Monday, July 28, 2003

 
personally... i think that if a person finds someone that's willing to put  up with them for the rest of their life that it shouldn't matter to anyone else who they are (so long as they are of legal age).
 
i think that people who say gay marriage will destroy the institution of marriage are on crack.. already today (without gay marriage) over 1/2 of all marriages end in divorce.. if anything it might help improve the statistics...
 
also if it helps make the idea of being gay more acceptable, then maybe so many gay/confused guys won't rush out and get married trying to "straighten" themselves out...
 
but i think the main thing that people need to understand is that in our country we have comingled the legal concept of a marriage and the religious concept of a marriage until they are practically indistingushable. 
 
A religious marriage is a comittment between two people before God. A civil marriage is a legal contract recognized by the government.  They are very different things. In our country we liscence religious officals to administer civil marriages concurrently with religious ceremonies.   A religious offical who was not authorized by the state could perform religious ceremonies but that marriage would not be recognized as legal.
 
In many countries it is necessary to get married twice.. once in the church and once in the courthouse or city hall. That is the way it is in such places as France and Mexico.   There a religious service does not create a legally binding contract in the eyes of the government... eventhough it may before God.  And a civil marriage is not recognized in the eyes of the church.  For instance, in Mexico in order to enter into a civil contract of marriage the groom must be able to show adaquate means to support his wife, etc. so young couples may choose to forgo that ceremony until they can meet the standards imposed by the state.
 
I don't think that recognizing a gay marriage in the sense of a civil contract would force churches to perform them against their will anymore than the government recognizing the legal validity of second (and third) marriages requires the Catholic Church to accept them as valid and perform those services in their churches. I think each denomination could make those decisions as they would see fit.
 
People like Jerry Falwell say that marriage is about pro-creation and that is why marriage has to be between one man and one woman.  And maybe in his religious view that is the case.
 
There are lots of reasons why people get married and currently the government does not make sure that two people are getting married "for the right reasons".   There are no fertility tests to sure that pro-creation is possible before granting a marriage liscence.  Women who have had hysterectomies are able to marry even though they are incapable of pro-creation.  Men who have had vasectomies are able to marry.  Women who have been through menopause and don't ovulate anymore are allowed to marry.  Therefore there can be no succesfull argument that a civil marriage is strictly about pro-creation.
 
Historically, marriage is about the consolidation of money and power.  Men married off their daughters to protect their land and assets. Men married off their sons to expand their empires and business holdings.  Creating a male heir to carry on the family was a the hope of the marriage in many cases but it wasn't the short term goal.  Neither was love.

Ultra-conservative spokespeople have stated that legalizing gay marriage will so lead to such things as bigamy and people marrying young children and even farm animals. This is of course a silly argument. The same argument was made by similarly narrow-minded people back in the days when the Supreme Court ruled in Loving v. Virginia to disolve state laws forbidding inter-racial marriages. Of course we know now that all of those scare tatics were nonsense then and they are still the same today.

In fact, the Supreme Court may have already paved the way for legalizing gay marriage in the Loving decision. In it they state that the right to marry who one chooses is a “basic human right.”

Unfortunately for the conservatives, there may not be much they can do to stop the eventual legalization of gay marriage. The Supreme Court has interpreted the Constitution's “Equal Protection Clause” to negate any law that was enacted with the purpose of discriminating. This would seem to stop any law excluding gay marriage.

Also, since civil marriage is a legal contract, the Constitution's “Full Faith and Credit Clause” comes into play. This part of the Constitution requires all the states to recognize as legal and valid any contract considered legal in the state in which the contract was made. This means that if only 1 state passes a gay marriage law, then every state would have to recognize the validity of that marriage contract. Not doing so would create a great upset, not only with heterosexuals who marry in a different state, but it would also create a precedent which could be used to attempt to invalidate contracts between businesses and create great havoc in our economy.

I guess the first real test of any of this will come when a gay couple who has married in Canada (or Denmark, or the Netherlands) presses for legal recongition of that marriage here in the states. It will probably take a while for the case to work its way through our legal system, like the recent Supreme Court ruling which overturned the few remaining state laws against sodomy (heterosexual and homosexual).

Friday, July 11, 2003

GEORGE W. BUSH
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20505

R E S U M E


PAST WORK EXPERIENCE
- I ran for congress and lost.

- I produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.

- I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas; company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

- I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that tookland using taxpayer money.

- Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago White Sox & with my father's help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas.


ACCOMPLISHMENTS

- I changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union.

- I replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog ridden city in America.

- Cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of billions in borrowed money.

- Set record for most executions by any Governor in American history.

- I became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes, with the help of my father's appointments to the Supreme Court.


ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT

- I attacked and took over two countries.

- I spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury.

- I shattered record for biggest annual deficit in history.

- I set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12 month period.

- I set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock
market.

- I am the first president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.

- I am the first president in US history to enter office with a criminal record.

- In the first year in office set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in US history.

- After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, I presided over the worst security failure in US history.

- I set the record for most campaign fundraising trips than any other president in US history.

- In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their job.

- I cut unemployment benefits for more out of work Americans than any president in US history.

- I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.

- I appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in US history.

- I set the record for the least amount of press conferences than any president since the advent of television.

- I signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than anypresident in US history.

- I presided over the biggest energy crisis in US history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed.

- I presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have.

- I cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.

- I set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind

- I dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history.

- My presidency is the most secretive and unaccountable of any in US history.

- Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history. (The 'poorest' multimillionaire, Condoleeza Rice has a Chevron oiltanker named after her).

- I am the first president in US history to have all 50 states of the Union simultaneously go bankrupt.

- I presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market in any country in the history of the world.

- I am the first president in US history to order a US attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation, and I did so against the will of the United Nations and the world community.

- I created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States.

- I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any president in US history.

- I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the Human Rights Commission.

- I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the Elections Monitoring Board.

- I removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in US history.

- I rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.

- I withdrew from the World Court of Law.

- I refused to allow inspectors access to US-kept prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Convention.

- I am the first president in US history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US elections).

- I am the all-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaigndonations.

- My biggest lifetime campaign contributor, who is also one of my best friends, presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).

- I spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US history.

- I am the first president to run and hide when the US came under attack (and then lied saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1).

- I am the first US president to establish a secret shadow government.

- I took the biggest world sympathy for the US after 9/11, and in less than a year made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history).

- I, with a policy of 'disengagement' created the most hostile
Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years.

- I am the first US president in history to have a majority of the people of urope (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability.

- I am the first US president in history to have the people of South Korea more threatened by the US than their immediate neighbor, North Korea.

- I changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.

- I set all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated US law by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding for government contracts.

- I failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive'.

- I failed to fulfill my pledge to get Saddam Hussein 'dead or alive'.

- I failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of our country at the United States Capitol building. After 18 months I have no leads and zero suspects.

- In the 18 months following the 9/11 attacks I have successfully prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history of the United States.

- I removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in US history.

- In a little over two years I created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided the US has ever been since the civil war.

- I entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than two years turned every single economic category heading straight down.


RECORDS AND REFERENCES

- I have at least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available).

- I was AWOL from National Guard and deserted the military during a time of war.

- I refuse to take a drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.

- All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my fathers library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

- All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

- All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

- Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.

- For personal references please speak to my daddy or Uncle James Baker. (They can be reached at their offices of the Carlyle Group for war profiteering.)

Thursday, July 03, 2003

From emails exchanged last year between David Armstrong, a former English Teacher, and employees of The Coca-Cola Company.


To The Coca Cola Company,

The slogan for Dasani mineral water contains and egregious error. The tag line is "Treat yourself well. Everyday." The word everyday is an adjective that is used to describe things that are routine or ordinary. "Everyday concerns" or "everyday life" would be two examples.

Your slogan should read "Treat yourself well. Every day." In this case every is a adjective modifying the noun day. This is a popular construction which is also used in such phrases as "every week", "every time", "every breath you take", etc.

I would also argue that the phrase every day by itself is somewhat unsubstantial as a full sentence. I will defer, however, to your superior knowledge of the language of mass communication. I do believe, though, that it would behoove the Dasani division of The Coca-Cola Company to make an attempt to appeal to the grammatically sophistocated beverage consumer by modifying your advertising to correct the aforementioned error.

Respectfully submitted,
David Armstrong.



Thank you for contacting the The Coca-Cola Company, Mr. Armstrong. We appreciate the opportunity to address your concerns regarding our new slogan for DASANI, "Treat yourself well. Everyday."

Advertising slogans aren't always constrained by the traditional conventions of formal writing; compromises are quite often made to develop a more effective message. When forming the new slogan for DASANI, we considered both Everyday and Every day. After subjecting both versions to testing, we decided to use the more impactful adjective form, rather than the adjective-noun phrase. Since Everyday is not an actual sentence and isn't part of a complete paragraph, we do not feel it is necessarily confined by the same literary bounds as formal writing.

We value feedback from our consumers. Your comments has been shared with the appropriate management here at the corporate headquarters and will certianly be taken into consideration as we move forward with our future plans.

Joy
Industry and Consumer Affairs
The Coca-Cola Company


Dear Joy,

Thank you for your prompt and informative response to my email message. I do appreciate your taking the time. I must confess, however, that I am not completely satisfied with your answer. I fail to see how the adjective everyday, which has a completely different meaning than the phrase every day is more "impactful." (By the way, impactful is not listed as a word in any dictionary that I am aware of. Was this neologism spawned by person who hatched your Dasani slogan?) You say you chose the "adjective form" as if you were choosing between two versions of the same thing - but the similarity is purely superificial.

Your slogan may as well read "Treat yourself well. Ordinary" or "Treat yourself well. Commonplace," because that is what it means, given the error. You say that you have subjected both versions to testing. I assume that means that you conducted focus groups, and that none of the invitees caught the error, or that the few who did were drowned out by the majority that found the totally irrelevant adjective everyday to be "impactful." Are we then to assume that poor grammar and abuse of the English language make for more effective marketing? If this is the case I have a couple of suggestions for future slogans you may wish to consider:

"Coke. Its the real thing."
"All ways Coca-Cola"
"Coke add's life."

Would you use such slogans? I wouldn't think so, and you defend your error on the grounds that "Advertising slogans aren't always constrained byt tradtional conventions of formal writing." Surely, there must be limits to this unpoetic license.

In closing, I am surprised that a firm such as The Coca-Cola Company does not want to extend its high-quality standards to include the language used to promote its products, and I anxiously await a decision from your superiors regarding my request.

Best regards,
David Armstrong


Thank you for your reply. We truly appreciate your feedback regarding our slogan for DASANI, and I will share it with the appropriate management. As for the word impactful this is simply the noun form of impact with the suffix -ful added to the end in order for it to be used as an adjective. Words with suffixes are typically not in the dictionary.

Rich Robinson
Advertising Specialist
The Coca-Cola Company


Dear Rich,

It as been a few days since our email exchange and I have yet to hear form your executives. You had promised to share my concerns with them, and I would have thought that the issues I raise were sufficiently urgent to warrant immediate attention on the part of your superiors. I would appreciate an update on the status of my request.

Your fine and reputable firm needs to act swiftly to repair this grievous attack on the English language, one which I have now seen plastered on the sides of buses, on billboards, and in numerous other public locations. Have you considered the effect of your nonsensical "Treat yourself well. Everyday" campaign on the nation's schoolchildren? How do you expect them to fare in their English courses when subjected to a barage of advertising with no respect for the rules of the language? And what of those who are learning English as a second language? Should they be told that standards apply only in the classroom and not to Corporate America?

In these days of increased scrutiny of corporate behavior, you would do well to ensure that your "messaging" has a positive impact on society. I submit that you are conducting a campaign that is offensive to those of us who care about the language and harmful to those who are attempting to master it.

In closing, although I appreciate the creativity of your comment "Words with suffixes are typically not in the dictionary," I believe that if you research this further you will find that many words with suffixes are in fact in the dictionary, and that words that are words are not.

Warmest regards,
David Armstrong