Dubya Quotes
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
..George W. Bush
"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
..Governor George W. Bush

"Welcome to Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."
..Governor George W. Bush

"Mars is essentially in the same orbit...Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."
..Governor George W. Bush, 8/11/94

"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."
..Governor George W. Bush, 9/15/95

"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy -- but that could change."
..Governor George W. Bush, 5/22/98

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'."
..Governor George W. Bush, 12/6/93

"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."
..Governor George W. Bush, 11/30/96

"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."
..Governor George W. Bush

"The future will be better tomorrow."
..Governor George W. Bush

"We're going to have the best educated American people in the world."
..Governor George W. Bush 9/21/97

"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history."
..Governor George W. Bush

"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."
..Governor George W. Bush to Sam Donaldson, 8/17/93

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe."
..Governor George W. Bush

"Public speaking is very easy."
..Governor George W. Bush to reporters

"I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican."
..Governor George W. Bush

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."
..Governor George W. Bush

"When I have been asked who caused the riots and the killing in LA, my answer has been direct & simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame."
..George W. Bush

"Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it."
..Governor George W. Bush 5/20/96

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
..Governor George W. Bush 9/22/97

"For NASA, space is still a high priority."
..Governor George W. Bush, 9/5/93

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."
..Governor George W. Bush , 9/18/95

"The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that George Bush may or may not make."
..Governor George W. Bush

"We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made."
..Governor George W. Bush

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
..Governor George W. Bush

"[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system."
..Governor George W. Bush

Top Ten Things you don't want to hear on Trading Space's

10. Cover everything in tin foil.
9. I'm thinking sad clown motif.
8. Let's replace the sofa with bales of hay.
7. Two words: Giant Sandbox!
6. Do we really need that support beam ?
5. Bring on the bulldozer!
4. The theme of the room will be... Medieval Dungeon.
3. Fuchsia! Fuchsia! Fuchsia!
2. All we need is some chicken wire and some duct tape.

And the number one thing you don't want to hear on Trading Spaces is...

Break everything in the room and create a floor mosaic!

A CITIZEN'S DECLARATION

As a US-led invasion of Iraq begins, we, the undersigned citizens of many countries, reaffirm our commitment to addressing international conflicts through the rule of law and the United Nations.

By joining together across countries and continents, we have emerged as a new force for peace. As we grieve for the victims of this war, we pledge to redouble our efforts to put an end to the Bush Administration's doctrine of pre-emptive attack and the reckless use of military power.

-- justin austin
United States

to add your name to this petition click here >> A CITIZENS' DECLARATION

stand and show your colors
let's all go to war.....
the Lord will surely help us
i've heard it all before.

i've heard it all
a hundred times
i've heard it all before...
they've always got a holy cause
that's worth a dying for.

someone writes a slogan
raises up a flag
someone finds an enemy blame.

to leave the cities and the farms
and lead the country's call to arms...

and always the ending is the same
the same
the same.

the fields have turned to ashes.
the wheat has turned to straw.
and someone asks the question
"what was the dying for?"

the living can't remember
the dead no longer care
but next time this won't happen
upon my soul i swear.

i've heard it all
a hundred times
don't tell me it's different now
i've heard it all
i've heard it all
i've heard it all BEFORE.

- John Cullum in Shenandoah

29 have been accused of spousal abuse

7 have been arrested for fraud

19 have been accused of writing bad checks

117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses

3 have done time for assault

71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit

14 have been arrested on drug-related charges

8 have been arrested for shoplifting

21 are currently defendants in lawsuits

84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year

Can you guess which organization this is?

It's the 535 members of the United States Congress.

The same group of Idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line

This is to be sung to the tune of: "If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands."
"George's Song" (Author unknown)

If we cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq.
If the markets hurt your Mama, bomb Iraq.
If the terrorists are Saudi
And the bank takes back your Audi
And the TV shows are bawdy,
Bomb Iraq.

If the corporate scandals growin', bomb Iraq.
And your ties to them are showin', bomb Iraq.
If the smoking gun ain't smokin'
We don't care, and we're not jokin'.
That Saddam will soon be croakin',
Bomb Iraq.

Even if we have no allies, bomb Iraq.
From the sand dunes to the valleys, bomb Iraq.
So to hell with the inspections;
Let's look tough for the elections,
Close your mind and take directions,
Bomb Iraq.

While the globe is slowly warming, bomb Iraq.
Yay! the clouds of war are storming, bomb Iraq.
If the ozone hole is growing,
Some things we prefer not knowing.
(Though our ignorance is showing),
Bomb Iraq.

So here's one for dear old daddy, bomb Iraq,
From his favorite little laddy, bomb Iraq.
Saying no would look like treason.
It's the Hussein hunting season.
Even if we have no reason,
Bomb Iraq.

Afrikander Een Plesierige Kerfees
Arabic I'd Millad Said oua Sana Saida
Argentine Felices Pasquas Y felices ano Nuevo
Armenian Shenoraavor Nor Dari yev Pari Gaghand
Azeri Tezze Iliniz Yahsi Olsun
Basque Zorionak eta Urte Berri On!
Bohemian Vesele Vanoce
Brazilian Boas Festas e Feliz Ano Novo
Breton Nedeleg laouen na bloavezh mat
Bulgarian Tchestita Koleda; Tchestito Rojdestvo Hristovo
Chinese (Mandarin) Kung His Hsin Nien bing Chu Shen Tan
(Catonese) Gun Tso Sun Tan'Gung Haw Sun
Catalan Bon Nadal i un Bon any nou
Cornish Nadelik looan na looan blethen noweth
Cree Mitho Makosi Kesikansi
Croatian Sretan Bozic
Czech Prejeme Vam Vesele Vanoce a stastny Novy Rok
Danish Gl?delig Jul
Dutch Vrolijk Kerstfeest en een Gelukkig Nieuwjaar!
English Merry Christmas
Esperanto Gajan Kristnaskon
Estonian Ruumsaid juulup|hi
Farsi Cristmas-e-shoma mobarak bashad
Finnish Hyvaa joulua
French Joyeux Noel - Christmas in France & Canada
Frisian Noflike Krystdagen en in protte Lok en Seine yn it Nije
Jier!
German Froehliche Weihnachten
Greek Kala Christouyenna!
Hawaiian Mele Kalikimaka
Hebrew Mo'adim Lesimkha. Chena tova
Hindi Shub Naya Baras
Hungarian Kellemes Karacsonyi unnepeket
Icelandic Gledileg Jol
Indonesian Selamat Hari Natal
Iraqi Idah Saidan Wa Sanah Jadidah
Irish Nollaig Shona Dhuit
Italian (Auguri di) Buon Natale e Felice Anno Nuovo
Japanese Shinnen omedeto. Kurisumasu Omedeto
Korean Sung Tan Chuk Ha
Latvian Priecigus Ziemas Svetkus un Laimigu Jauno Gadu
Lettish Priecigus Ziemassvetkus
Lithuanian Linksmu Kaledu
Manx Nollick ghennal as blein vie noa
Maori Meri Kirihimete
Marathi Shub Naya Varsh
Navajo Merry Keshmish
Norwegian God Jul
PennsylvaniaGerman En frehlicher Grischtdaag un en hallich Nei
Yaahr!
Polish Wesolych Swiat Bozego Narodzenia
Portuguese Boas Festas
Rapa-Nui Mata-Ki-Te-Rangi. Te-Pito-O-Te-Henua
Rumanian Sarbatori vesele
Russian Pozdrevlyayu s prazdnikom Rozhdestva is Novim Godom
Serbian Hristos se rodi
Slovakian Sretan Bozic or Vesele vianoce
Sami Buorrit Juovllat
Samoan La Maunia Le Kilisimasi Ma Le Tausaga Fou
Scots Gaelic Nollaig chridheil huibh
Serb-Croatian Sretam Bozic. Vesela Nova Godina
Singhalese Subha nath thalak Vewa. Subha Aluth Awrudhak Vewa
Slovak Vesele Vianoce. A stastlivy Novy Rok
Slovene Vesel Bozic. Srecno Novo Leto.
Spanish Feliz Navidad
Swedish God Jul and (Och) Ett Gott Nytt Oer
Tagalog Maligayang Pasko at Manigong Bagong Taon
Tamil Nathar Puthu Varuda Valthukkal
Thai Sawadee Pee Mai
Turkish Noeliniz Ve Yeni Yiliniz Kutlu Olsun
Ukrainian Srozhdestvom Kristovym
Urdu Naya Saal Mubarak Ho
Vietnamese Chuc Mung Giang Sinh
Welsh Nadolig Llawen
Yugoslavian Cestitamo Bozic

We take you now to the Oval Office.........
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?

........Allowing the President to invade a neighboring nation whenever he shall deem it necessary to repel an invasion...and you allow him to make war at his pleasure. If today he should choose to say he thinks it necessary to invade Canada to prevent the British from invading us, how could you stop him ? You may say to him, "I see no probability of the British invading us," but he would say to you, "Be silent: I see it if you don't." -- Abraham Lincoln

NORTH POLE - In a press release this morning Santa Claus announced that, due to excessive government regulation, his annual December 24th voyages would be canceled until further notice.

Mr. Claus’s legal difficulties began on Christmas Eve of last year, when Santa’s sleigh was forced down by Air National Guard fighter jets after
violating military airspace. A subsequent Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) investigation resulted in Claus’s being forbidden from operating any
air transport within the United States of America. FAA documents show that infractions allegedly committed by Claus include repeated and flagrant
violation of airspeed, altitude, and routing rules, failure to file flight plans, habitual overloading of his sleigh, and delivering air cargo without
a commercial pilot’s license.

Claus’s excuse that these violations were necessary measures to enable him to deliver toys to all the world’s good children in one night was not
considered to be a mitigating factor. A further result of the investigation was the impounding of Santa’s sleigh by the National Transportation Safety
Board (NTSB) as unsafe; an NTSB spokesman summarized the agency’s case in the statement that "the glowing nose of a hoofed mammal is not an acceptable running light."

The information revealed in the FAA inquest prompted several other federal agencies to begin their own inquiries into Claus’s activities. The result of
these investigations was multiple indictments against Claus. The United States Customs Service, noting that Mr. Claus had not paid duties on the
toys he imported, requested that Claus be assessed millions of dollars in tariffs and fines. The Immigration and Naturalization Service, after being
informed that Claus had entered the United States and was working without a visa and Green Card, has begun deportation proceedings. Claus also faces fines and possible criminal charges in connection with a Department of Agriculture report accusing him of bringing nine reindeer into the United
States without appropriate vaccinations and quarantine procedures.

Additionally, special prosecutor Kenneth Starr is reported to be requesting his authority be extended to include investigating Claus, noting that Santa
has made yearly trips to Indonesia, Taiwan, and Little Rock. Starr has requested an additional $40 million for this investigation.

The investigations into Claus’s activities have also resulted in legal action being brought against Santa’s Workshop, a non-profit organization for
which Claus is chief executive officer. The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission has filed a class-action suit against Santa’s Workshop alleging
that that organization engages in discriminatory hiring practices by employing only elves; Santa’s Workshop has reportedly rejected a settlement
proposal of approximately $10 million in back pay, penalties, and diversity training for Santa and Mrs. Claus.

The Environmental Protection Agency has declared that Santa’s Workshop’s North Pole manufacturing facility is "severely contaminated" and filed suit
for cleanup expenses under the Superfund act; evidence cited includes reports of pointed ears and diminished stature among Santa’s Workshop
employees, and mutations such as flying and power of speech among the local reindeer population.

Furthermore, the Workshop’s financial records are being audited by the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) in an effort to determine how, in the words
of an IRS spokesman, "a supposedly charitable organization can give gifts to millions of children annually while receiving no apparent income."

In a related story the so-called Santagate hearings continued today in Congress. The House Committee on Un-Christmaslike Affairs heard testimony
from the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) stating that Santa’s distribution of presents is unconstitutional. "By discriminating between
naughty and nice children Santa Claus denies them equal protection under the law," an ACLU attorney stated. "By not informing children of their naughty or nice status and providing a means of appeal children are denied their right to due process. These actions are clearly in violation of the
Fourteenth Amendment."

In light of these hearings many of Claus’s former political allies have been quietly withdrawing their support of the beleaguered saint; former President
Jimmy Carter declaring that "I am not Santa Claus."
There are some reports that Santa Claus will not discontinue his benevolent activities entirely. A reliable source in Santa’s Workshop has stated that,
in the spirit of Christmas, Santa will be paying an unofficial trip to Washington, DC, this Christmas Eve. The same source speculated that this
trip may pertain to the distribution of a shipment of coal that Claus recently received.